Cutting Someone Out Isn’t Petty, It’s Called Planning

You’ve seen the movie. Dad dies. The family gathers in their country estate for the reading of the will. The responsible daughter gets everything and the irresponsible son who hasn’t spoken to Dad in 15 years gets $1 and a middle finger from the grave.

That’s not really how it plays out in real life. But the basic premise isn’t wrong: if you don’t want someone to get your stuff when you die, you need to actually do something about it while you’re alive.

Because once you’re dead, you can’t explain yourself.

You can’t tell the probate judge that you haven’t spoken to your mother in 20 years. You can’t explain that your brother has a serious drug problem and giving him $25,000 outright is the last thing you would have wanted.

You’re dead. And “Dad told me he didn’t want my brother to get anything” isn’t an estate plan.

If You Don’t Make a Plan, Your State Already Has One

If you die without a will, you’re considered to have died intestate (in-test-ate).

Every state has intestate succession laws that determine which relatives inherit your estate and in what order. The details vary by state, but spouses, children, parents, siblings, and increasingly distant relatives generally appear somewhere in that hierarchy.

The law isn’t particularly interested in whether you liked them.

In Ohio, for example, the intestate succession statute works through surviving spouses and descendants, then parents, siblings and their descendants, grandparents and their descendants, and eventually other next of kin.

There isn’t a box for: “Yes, technically that’s my brother, but no.”

That’s your job.

This Is Especially Important If You’re Unmarried

If you’ve been with your partner for 15 years but never married, don’t assume the law will treat them like a spouse because everyone in your life does.

Your partner can be the person who knows your coffee order, shares your mortgage, sleeps next to you every night, and has spent the last decade building a life with you, and still not be your intestate heir. Meanwhile, a relative you haven’t seen since 2007 may be.

If you want an unmarried partner, or a friend, neighbor, godchild, charity, or anyone else outside the state’s default family tree, to receive something, put a plan in place.

Married Is Different

Spouses are a different category. Many states give surviving spouses statutory (by law) inheritance rights that can make it difficult or impossible to completely disinherit them simply by writing, “My husband gets nothing” in your will.

If you’re separated, contemplating divorce, recently divorced, remarried, or part of a blended family, this is an especially good time to review your estate plan and your beneficiary designations with an attorney in your state.

Don’t assume changing your relationship status automatically changed everything else.

Sometimes You Don’t Need a Will to Control Who Gets Something

Not every asset has to pass through your will.

A POD — Payable on Death — designation can name who receives certain financial accounts when you die.

A TOD — Transfer on Death — designation can do something similar for certain other assets, depending on the asset and your state’s law.

Ohio, for example, permits POD designations on qualifying bank accounts and TOD beneficiary designations for real estate through a properly executed and recorded TOD designation affidavit.

These can be very useful when your goal is simple:

This thing → goes to this person.

But beneficiary designations need to be coordinated with the rest of your estate plan. A beautifully drafted will doesn’t necessarily override the beneficiary designation you forgot you filled out 17 years ago.

If You’re Cutting Someone Out, Say So

Let’s say you have three children.

Your will says:

50% to Child 1. 50% to Child 2.

And says nothing about Child 3.

Maybe you deliberately excluded Child 3. Or maybe you forgot. Or maybe the document was written before Child 3 existed. Depending on the facts and the law in your state, that ambiguity can matter, and it’s not always resolved the way you’d assume.

If the intention really is Child 3 gets nothing, don’t make everyone infer it. An estate-planning attorney may use language expressly stating that the omission is intentional and that the person is not to receive anything under the estate plan.

The exact wording matters, and this is one of those situations where clear and boring beats clever and dramatic.

You don’t need:

“To my ungrateful son Chad, who ruined Thanksgiving in 2019 and knows exactly what he did…”

You need legally effective language that makes your intent unmistakable.

The No-Contest Clause

Some wills and trusts contain what’s commonly called a no-contest clause. The basic idea is: If you challenge this document and lose, you may also lose what I left you.

This can potentially matter when someone receives less than someone else and might otherwise have an incentive to challenge the plan.

But no-contest clauses aren’t magical force fields. Their validity and enforcement vary by state and by the circumstances of the challenge. If you’re concerned that someone is actually likely to fight your estate plan, that’s something to discuss specifically with your attorney.

Because the goal isn’t just writing down what you want. It’s making it as difficult as reasonably possible for someone else to successfully rewrite those wishes after you’re gone.

You can make choices other people don’t like. If you want to give everything to an animal rescue because you’d rather support a three-legged Labrador instead of Cousin Kevin, that’s your choice. What you can’t do is expect those choices to enforce themselves.

By the time any of this matters, you won’t be around to clarify what you meant. So make your wishes clear. Make them legally effective. Make sure your documents and beneficiary designations work together. And review them when your relationships change.

Cutting someone out isn’t petty. Or…maybe it can be a little petty. But it’s still planning.

Estate laws vary significantly by state. This is general educational information, not legal advice. If you’re intentionally disinheriting someone—particularly a spouse or child—or anticipate a dispute over your estate, talk with an estate-planning attorney licensed in your state.